How to Make One Fabulous First Impression

What is the first thing someone notices about you? How long does it really take to make a first impression? Read on and find out!

by Nicholas Boothman

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Whether you like it or not, people decide how they feel about you in the first two seconds of seeing you, or hearing you, if it’s on the phone. If they like you, they will unconsciously tend to see the best in you and look for opportunities to say “yes.” If they don’t like you, the opposite is true.

The first thing someone notices about you is the quality and the level of energy you give out. That means your attitude (including your posture). The second thing they respond to is your clothes. In fact, the impact is made so quickly it’s as if they see both things at the same time, and then form their first impressions about you. Your attitude tells people if you are open or closed, charming or alarming. Your posture is an indication of your overall health: humans are hard-wired to seek out healthy mates. Your clothing speaks volumes. It tells people what kind of person you see yourself as. It also can reveal a lot about your socioeconomic status, whether you’re conventional or flamboyant, sexy or modest, trendy or traditional. Take a good hard look at your wardrobe and see if it makes the statement you want.

Here are four concrete steps to help create a terrific first impression:

• First, adjust your attitude. More than anything else it’s your attitude that determines how people feel about you when you first meet. Choose what I call a “useful” attitude – upbeat, welcoming, enthusiastic, etc.

• Second, be charming rather than alarming. That means making eye contact, if only for a couple of seconds – this unconsciously signals that trust is in the air. Just notice the person’s eye color – that’ll do it.

• Third, smile with genuine enjoyment. (Here’s a way to do that. Practice saying the word “great” over and over in a mirror using crazy voices until you feel like a giant idiot or you crack up – then say it under your breath to yourself as you approach people. I guarantee you’ll be smiling.) A smile sends a signal that you’re happy and confident.

• Fourth, keep your body language open and relaxed. Rather than crossing your arms over your chest, go literally “heart to heart” with the other person – point your heart toward theirs, which signals that you’re not going to harm them.

Here are five ways to score you big points when you walk into a room full of strangers.

1. Wear great clothes. More people will take you seriously (don't over do it - don't be better than anyone else).

2. Head for the middle. (Popular people always go to the middle of the room in restaurants, parties classrooms etc.) There’s nothing that demonstrates confidence the way this does. Ever wonder why the people that sit around the edges are called wall-flowers?

3. Move more slowly than usual. People who move fractionally more slowly than others tend to get noticed and come across as sexy. Get into the habit so it becomes natural: otherwise don't bother.

4. 3-second rule. In a social situation, notice someone and within three seconds go over and say something (ask directions, or introduce yourself, or ask a question). Do this several times.

5. Ask "Talk-Show" questions. The best way to start a conversation is with a statement followed by an open question. "I hear Seattle's a fantastic place. If I only had three hours, what should I see?" Remember to give feedback.

Your irresistible first impression is instantly determined by your attitude, your poise and your wardrobe. Enhancing and focusing on these important aspects of your image will do more than boost your chances in the love market, it’ll also boost the way you feel about yourself. When we feel good about ourselves it affects everything. We make better decisions, feel more adventurous, have more energy, and tap into our natural enthusiasm, all of which impacts the nonverbal signals we send out to others. Being on top of our game means others will want to join in and play.

Nicholas Boothman is the author of How to Make Someone Fall in Love with You in 90 Minutes or Less. His website is http://www.nicholasboothman.com/ Get your copy of Nicholas Boothman's "How To Make Someone Fall In Love With You In 90 Minutes"

5 Dating Rules You Should Never Break

No one said dating was easy, but follow these five rules and you'll enjoy a richer experience as a single person.

by eHarmony Staff

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When it comes to your love life, do you wish there was a rule book? While The Rules are so last century, a new dating handbook has yet to be created in the new millennium. So how do you know the dos and don’ts of dating? The truth is there are no hard and fast rules, but the following guidelines should help you navigate the tricky terrain known as your dating life. 

Rule #1: Listen to Your Gut
Whether you’re on a date, communicating with someone you meet online, or flirting with a cutie you meet in the flesh, it’s important to pay attention and listen to your gut. If a potential date’s actions or words set off an internal alarm system, you owe it to yourself to pay attention and act accordingly. These alarms can be both good and bad. For example, if you’ve met someone online and they seem interesting, then you talk to them on the phone and they sound completely different (in a negative way), you may decide not to meet them in person. A positive example would be if you were on a date with someone and they seemed nervous but well intentioned, your gut might tell you to give them a second chance. By going on a second date, you’ll gain a better understanding of who they really are and if you’d like to see them again.

Rule #2: Pay Attention to Red Flags
Like those internal alarms that alert you to your gut feelings, you also have an alarm system to alert you to red flags. Oftentimes this alarm system is turned way down. As a result, we often ignore red flags and find ourselves getting involved with inappropriate partners because we’re not paying attention. To become a truly successful single in the new millennium, you owe it to yourself to become a red flag specialist. That means paying attention to red flags as they are presented to you on dates. An example of a red flag would be if you found yourself on a date with someone who could not stop talking about their ex. They may be a fantastic person, and eventually make a great partner, but right now they’re not ready. Your job is to pay attention to that red flag and not pursue them.

Rule #3: Actions Speak Louder Than Words
During the course of your dating life you will most likely find yourself on a date with someone whose actions speak much louder than their words. Maybe they’re attentive and chivalrous to you, but treat the waiter, bartender, and/or valet poorly. Or maybe they claim they’re ready for a long-term relationship, but their wandering eye tells you otherwise. To get the most out of your dating life, it’s important to understand that actions speak louder than words. When someone’s actions are contrary to their words, this is not only a red flag, it’s gut-check time. By paying attention and screening out potential partners whose actions don’t match their words, you cut down on wasted dating time and make it that much easier to attract potential partners worth your time and energy.

Rule #4: Don’t Play Games
Successful singles know what goes around comes around. They also know the importance of being honest and well-intentioned with the people they date. As a successful single, you owe it to yourself and the individuals you date not to play games. Call when you say you’re going to call. Do what you say you’re going to do, and be honest when the other person asks if you’d like to go out again. If you don’t want to see them again, say so in a kind and considerate way. By being honest and letting them down easy, you avoid playing games. Expect the same in return. If you don’t get it, don’t play games by taking that out on the next person you date.

Rule #5: Know When to Say “Game Over”
Just as you should not play dating games, you will want to avoid getting played. Like it or not, there are plenty of players on the dating scene. It’s up to you to know the signs of the player, know their game, and be confident enough to say “game over.” Here’s how to spot a player: When they approach, they’ll take you off guard with a backhanded compliment/insult along the lines of “you’re too cute to be wearing that” or “I’d buy you a drink, but you probably wouldn’t talk to me.” These tactics are known as The Game. The player’s motive is to take you off guard so that you’re on the defensive and try to make up for it by engaging in their game. The problem is, these players aren’t genuine. Instead of falling for their tactics, simply smile, say “game over,” and walk (better yet, run!) away.
While there are no hard and fast dating rules, there are definitely guidelines to follow to make your dating life more enjoyable. By listening to your gut, paying attention to red flags, and understanding that actions speak louder than words, you cut down on wasted dating time. In doing so, you not only avoid getting played, but you also greatly increase your chances of relationship success.

Read more: http://advice.eharmony.com/?page=articles/view&AID=2007#ixzz0ju2cLBzQ