Saturday, December 19, 2009
Let It Snow!!!
I am soooo excited that it's snowing here in Virginia!!! Yay!!! This is the first snow for the Winter. We got 3 - 5 inches overnight. Now it's rain mixed in with the snow. I'm suppose to go to work today - unsure about that though. My sister in Fredericksburg got 8 inches and it's still snowing!!!! Can't wait to move up there!
If yall have to go out in this weather be safe! Have a Happy Holiday!!
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Are you ready to Blastoff?
I just got my free Blastoff site. A customizable web page that combines the best news, videos, music, games and social networking with cash-back shopping at the biggest online retailers. Check it out by clicking the link below.
http://my.blastoffnetwork.com/tabithakwaller
http://my.blastoffnetwork.com/tabithakwaller
Al B: On Cheating | The Tyra Show
Tiger Woods. It's hard to have a conversation lately without that name popping up. And the story just keeps expanding, so much so that Tiger may accumulate enough jump-offs to make a run in the playoffs! What ever happens moving forward, I hope there's some good that can come from this scandal. One possibly good thing is that people are talking about infidelity.
But what exactly constitutes infidelity and why do people cheat?
First, what is cheating? This definition from Wikipedia sums it up perfectly: "Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one's husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature." Yes, non-sexual cheating counts. It's not just the act of sex outside the relationship.
Cheating takes on three basic forms; Physical, Virtual and Emotional. Physical: This is the easy one. Everything from a kiss to a tryst and all that is in between. EVERYTHING. If you can't do whatever "it" is in front of your significant other, it's cheating.
Virtual: This covers a wide range of activities from sexting to flirting online, and can involve using pornographic materials and going to strip clubs.
The use of porn and checking out exotic dancers is one of those things couples have to discuss and create their own boundaries and expectations. But sexting, phone sex, chat flirtation -- are all violations. It's simple: if your interaction with a person excites and/or arouses you, then you're cheating. If you'd feel "caught" if your mate saw what you were doing, you know you shouldn't be doing it.
Emotional: This is the hardest one. It's a thin line between just having a good friend and being a cheat. Most women who cheat will cheat emotionally first. It may start with what seems to be harmless conversation but quickly becomes more. You open up, share secrets, aspirations, insecurities and problems with the relationship.
You let her/him in.
He/she is in your thoughts. You get excited thinking about a call, an email... lunch. You lie or create opportunities to spend time with him/her. All the while you're supposed to be emotionally engaged and committed to another. At first it was just a hug, but now you hold hands, touch a knee, wipe food from their mouth. At this point it's just a matter of time before that long gaze you keep sharing leans into a kiss.
People cheat for all kinds of reasons; for revenge, to fill a void in the relationship or just because they can -- whatever a cheater's reason(s), one thing is certain -- it's selfish.
That's something the Wikipedia definition left out -- infidelity is a selfish violation. It's the height of selfishness to hold someone physically and emotionally hostage while you serve whatever "need" you've invented. You know, the whole "I want my cake and eat it too" mentality? (Wait, hold on... I NEVER understood that saying. It's MY cake; of course I wanna eat it! Let's remix it...) It's a "I want my cake, or even two" type of mentality, and it's not fair to the other person or the relationship.
If you've gotten to the point in your relationship where you believe cheating is a viable option, stop. Think about why it's justified in your mind: Is it to strike back? To evoke an emotional response? Or just because it feels good? Whatever it is, before you act, think about your reason and then think about your relationship.
If the affair is of more value, start the process of ending the relationship, THEN re-engage the other possible partner. If the relationship is more important, push back from whatever counter-feelings are there, distance yourself from the person(s) the feelings are directed to. Work to solve any internal problems you may have, seek help if necessary and talk to your significant other about what may need to be fixed to make the relationship healthy.
Unfortunately, despite the latest celeb cheating scandal, men and women will continue to violate their relationships. And as we have seen so many times, infidelity can rip apart a bond, but it doesn't have to. Some will choose to leave, some to stay -- either way, each decision is unique to that relationship and should be respected as such.
You respected a person enough to enter a relationship. Respect that person enough to fix what's wrong -- or move on. Don't cheat.
But what exactly constitutes infidelity and why do people cheat?
First, what is cheating? This definition from Wikipedia sums it up perfectly: "Infidelity is a violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of an intimate relationship, which constitutes a significant breach of faith or a betrayal of core shared values with which the integrity of the relationship is defined. In common use, it describes an act of unfaithfulness to one's husband, wife, or lover, whether sexual or non-sexual in nature." Yes, non-sexual cheating counts. It's not just the act of sex outside the relationship.
Cheating takes on three basic forms; Physical, Virtual and Emotional. Physical: This is the easy one. Everything from a kiss to a tryst and all that is in between. EVERYTHING. If you can't do whatever "it" is in front of your significant other, it's cheating.
Virtual: This covers a wide range of activities from sexting to flirting online, and can involve using pornographic materials and going to strip clubs.
The use of porn and checking out exotic dancers is one of those things couples have to discuss and create their own boundaries and expectations. But sexting, phone sex, chat flirtation -- are all violations. It's simple: if your interaction with a person excites and/or arouses you, then you're cheating. If you'd feel "caught" if your mate saw what you were doing, you know you shouldn't be doing it.
Emotional: This is the hardest one. It's a thin line between just having a good friend and being a cheat. Most women who cheat will cheat emotionally first. It may start with what seems to be harmless conversation but quickly becomes more. You open up, share secrets, aspirations, insecurities and problems with the relationship.
You let her/him in.
He/she is in your thoughts. You get excited thinking about a call, an email... lunch. You lie or create opportunities to spend time with him/her. All the while you're supposed to be emotionally engaged and committed to another. At first it was just a hug, but now you hold hands, touch a knee, wipe food from their mouth. At this point it's just a matter of time before that long gaze you keep sharing leans into a kiss.
People cheat for all kinds of reasons; for revenge, to fill a void in the relationship or just because they can -- whatever a cheater's reason(s), one thing is certain -- it's selfish.
That's something the Wikipedia definition left out -- infidelity is a selfish violation. It's the height of selfishness to hold someone physically and emotionally hostage while you serve whatever "need" you've invented. You know, the whole "I want my cake and eat it too" mentality? (Wait, hold on... I NEVER understood that saying. It's MY cake; of course I wanna eat it! Let's remix it...) It's a "I want my cake, or even two" type of mentality, and it's not fair to the other person or the relationship.
If you've gotten to the point in your relationship where you believe cheating is a viable option, stop. Think about why it's justified in your mind: Is it to strike back? To evoke an emotional response? Or just because it feels good? Whatever it is, before you act, think about your reason and then think about your relationship.
If the affair is of more value, start the process of ending the relationship, THEN re-engage the other possible partner. If the relationship is more important, push back from whatever counter-feelings are there, distance yourself from the person(s) the feelings are directed to. Work to solve any internal problems you may have, seek help if necessary and talk to your significant other about what may need to be fixed to make the relationship healthy.
Unfortunately, despite the latest celeb cheating scandal, men and women will continue to violate their relationships. And as we have seen so many times, infidelity can rip apart a bond, but it doesn't have to. Some will choose to leave, some to stay -- either way, each decision is unique to that relationship and should be respected as such.
You respected a person enough to enter a relationship. Respect that person enough to fix what's wrong -- or move on. Don't cheat.
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By Rachel Rivera Radcastle
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